last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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