Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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