I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
