Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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