After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
