is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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