When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
