I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
