There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
