My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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