Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
