I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
