I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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