U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize