I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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