no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
