he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
