I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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