There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
