I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
