I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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