god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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