I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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