Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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