Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize