I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
