It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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