Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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