I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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