Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
