kristin has been a bad kristin
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
