At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
