I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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