Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
