I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
