We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
