I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
