I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
