I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
