We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
