I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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