she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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