Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
