Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
