I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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