what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
