he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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