her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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