Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
