Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize