thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
