you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
