i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
