Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
