Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
