you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ladies don't puke and tell
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
