the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
