I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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