i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
