help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
