we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My vagina just recognized that song.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
