plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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