I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
