You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
false alarm, still single
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
