I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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