I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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