just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
