Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize