Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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